Almost 3 years later Markus and I don't have any children. That is shocking to a lot of LDS couples/people. I can't even begin to count how often we are asked that ALL the time. It's almost like that is the only thing people talk about when you get married and don't start on a family right away. As written in a previous blog, I have come to grips and peace with the reality of not having kids or any on the way. I'm happy with what I have now... a husband and a wonderful marriage. Who could ask for more??
I'm reminded of the reality of no kids, none in my belly or on the way anytime soon by one person, well 2 persons in my life. They are a couple. Happy I think. At least you would think so. She has 2 kids, stays at home with the kids. He has a job it pays pretty well and they get along ok. They feel the need to constantly throw this in my face. Things like... you don't have kids so you wouldn't understand, or you think you're busy, try having 2 kids, I could go on. These comments used to all be pointed towards me because that was all I truly wanted, until they realized (I guess) that I'm quite happy with my life right now KIDLESS (if that's even a word). Then they started on Markus. I just don't get it. I told Markus the other day that it was bothering me. It just doesn't stop. I can't imagine them purposely wanting to hurt us. I guess I just wanted to get confirmation from Markus that I wasn't being hyper-sensitive. I tend to get that way when it comes to children. I can get REALLY defensive. But with good reason... I want kids! I mean I could have a few right now if that was how it was supposed to be. DUH! Markus agreed with me. He had noticed it more too from them, but why?
Well I guess I'll never know. But for now, I will just sit back and take it, which isn't like me at all. I just haven't gotten made enough to explode yet. I guess when I have twins then I can throw in their face that they just don't understand. I don't know about the twins thing, they just tend to run in my family and don't skip generations. My family thinks I'll be the one to have the twins. Yikes! We shall see.
6 comments:
Jenn, don't let people get you down. When it is your time to be a Mom you will be. The Lord knows the righteous desires of your heart, and I must have to add he has blessed you because he knows the righteous desires of your heart. I'm still so very amazed of this wonderful man that he brought in to your life and is a righteous priesthood holder. Pretty amazing. Some people are only happy when their moaning about life. Enjoy the you and Markus time and cherish when the babies come. Okay, this got longer and probably more "preachy" than I meant it too but... I just love ya so much! Hugs to you!
At least you WANTED to have kids from the beginning...I had NO DESIRE until we'd been married 2.5 years. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I have them now, but I am glad I had that time with Marcus.
So, since I was married a while and didn't have kids...I understand. It was always so annoying having nosy busy bodies asking when we were going to have a baby...What if I COULDN"T have a baby? Wouldn't they have felt like a total jerk then? I was even asked by one partiular lady in BR2 who felt she should be all knowing with the younger crowd (you might just be able to figure out who) on numerous occasions if I was expecting...because I had a belly!!!!
So, my rant goes on...but, I am glad you are happy. And, I am proud of you for not blowing up at this other couple. There is no rule book that says "Thou shalt have children within the first year and a half of marriage" and I think people in general need to sit back and chill...If you want to send me an email and tell me who this fabulous family is, I could send them nasty annonomous emails:-)
I meant I was happily married to Bart for over 2.5 years before I had any baby longings...not Marcus. Sorry!
From what little I understand about people who do this...it seems to be that they feel threatened by you/your situation/your freedom/etc. I know it doesn't make ANY sense to you right now because I understand how much it hurts your heart, your spirit, your everything when people throw this type of thing in your face. This year Brett and I will have been married five years and finally a junior is on its way--not that we have been trying five years but it definitely took us a lot longer to get pregnant than I ever thought it would. I was absolutely SHOCKED how many times it would be thrown in our face. Things like you'll never be financially ready, your life has no purpose without kids,its time you have kids and stop being so obsessed with your puppy, just all of these tasteless things that really hurt because I wanted a baby so bad. Remarkably I even heard these comments from people that I KNOW struggled with infertility themselves--who had no idea that we had just been through a miscarriage and it was devastating. Just keep your spirits up, don't let negative people pushing some internal agenda bring you down. And when they do bring you down at times just try your best to fight it. I like to assume that these types of people are ignorant and have no idea how much their comments hurt. I figure most of the time this has to be at least HALF true...right? I love you Jenn--don't ever give up your optimism! You are blessed with sensitivity that most people can only dream of having.
Everyone is ready for kids in life when they are ready! I think being members of the church people assume that having kids should be immediate. I also feel that at the same time, having time with your husband and strengthening your marriage is important too because once kids get in the picture having that "husband and wife time" gets a little harder. It's kind of a personal thing and sometimes people should stay out of it because you never know whats going on...what if you couldn't have children or have had miscarriages or whatever and they had NO IDEA! Bet they'd feel pretty dumb if they found that out! Kent and I were married 3 years before we had Boston and especially living in Idaho people would constantly look at us at sinners or selfish or whatever! But I had a miscarriage and we weren't one of those couples where it was like BAM instantly pregnant..it took us awhile but people don't always see that others may not be Miss Fertile Mrytle like themselves! Hang in there and when you both feel ready for children it will happen. In the meantime enjoy your time together without children!
It sounds like your "friend" is overwhelmed with her life and is making those comments to garner a strange sympathy. It doesn't sound like she is being very sensitive at all and I wonder how happy she is since it sounds like she's too wrapped up in her own stresses to think of how her comments might affect you. Does she know you well?
Here, it seems like if you don't have 4 or 5 kids you're weird. I wish I could hang out with people who, yes, love and acknowledge their children, but can also be THEMSELVES as well. I get so excited when a new couple moves into our ward that is our age and has a life beyond kids. I miss 25 year olds who still have a good time, listen to cool music, and have hobbies. Once you have kids, they do sorta take over your life, but its up to you to find the balance. One of the hardest parts of grown-up life is that we are dynamic and multi-faceted and need to strive to find balance between all of our roles. Your "friend" seems like she's caught up in her "mommy" role and not paying attention to her "friend" role.
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