Oh Blah. I hate this part. But what better way to wrap up this whole truth-telling than a letter to myself.
Dearest Jennifer Lynne,
It never ceases to amaze me how you do all that you do. I know you hear a lot, "how do you do it". And you just say "I don't know, I just do". I know how much work it is to "doing". It's hard, but certainly has it's benefits, don't you think? You are a wonderful mother to Trevor. I can see that through him. He is the happiest kid I know. I think it's because he knows how much his Mommy loves him. I know this is what you waited so many years for. I wish you didn't have to work. But that just means the time you spend with him is even more valuable.
I'm so glad you want to stay busy. I don't think this is a bad thing.
You are so caring about others more than yourself. I think you would be
better off to take some time to yourself every now and then. When is the last time you have sewed? Or scrapbooked? Hmm?? What better time than now to start? You really should do the things you love once and a while. The house can wait a couple of hours and so can Markus. He is a big boy. You don't have to be his mother... just be his wife. You have done that well too, but please take time for yourself. Everyone else does, lol!
You are a better woman than some to love your family the way you do. After all the craziness that has happened over the years... you continue to love them. I wouldn't say unconditionally, but you do. That is important. As Markus called it today, "spontaneous compassion", I think that is a great description for it. I don't think he thinks you should do what you do for them. It's hard to describe/explain to him that they are still your family... How does one do that? He doesn't understand... clearly. I think he sees it from an outsider's view looking in, they do nothing for you, so why should you do for them? You don't see it as a trade off though. It's more of a one way street downtown. It won't ever come back to you. But you try. At least you try. Until they get unhappy with the way they are living and cut you off. What is it like the 2nd time that has happened... and taking place now. What a comedy.
Some wonder what aren't you good at... I would have to say keeping a clean house, lol!
I see you are the kind of person that when determined... you will do it, and you will do it great. Almost 99% of the time. That is how you are. If you are going to do it, you will do it great or do the best you can and then some. Look at you, you are crafty as hell, can refinish a piece of furniture to make it look brand new and people ask you where you got it and you seem to have the trend of saying, "girl I picked it up off someone's trash", you can scrapbook and then some, you make your own cards, cook from scratch meals, desserts, etc and people ask, is this homemade?... um yeah I like to do "from scratch" whenever possible!, you can throw and kicking party/shower/event and blink and it's awesome, you can garden and know what you are doing and talking about, you can paint and do all that fun home improvement stuff, you sew... and if you applied yourself you could be a lot better, you decorate and have such a great sense of style... you take it as a compliment when people look around and ask you questions about your home (too funny), you wash cars and change tires, if you had a miter saw in your possession you would seriously be dangerous, you are thrifty as all get out and are good at it...most of the time, if there is a good deal you can usually find it, you love with all your heart, you are an awesome mom, and a faithful wife. Not sure if I left something out but you are fabulous! Start seeing more good in yourself instead of the crap and you will do much better.
All my love,
Jenn-Jenn
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